I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Randomize
