O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Small penises have feelings too.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
