I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
