I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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