2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
zippers are such a cool invention
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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