I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize