Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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