is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
