saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize