All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
