I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
