So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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