I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
