the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
