its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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