She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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