discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
