Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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