apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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