When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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