Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
