Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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