I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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