She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
