I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
