i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
