I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
