I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
This baby is an asshole
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
