how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
