There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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