I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I AM VODKA MAN
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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