she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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