if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
