the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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