i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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