I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
