Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
