Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
