Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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