She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
