It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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