apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
