I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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