I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I wear drunk well.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
