Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
