I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
