I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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