i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
