PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
