I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
