genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
