good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
apparently the secret to your success is patron
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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