And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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