soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
