i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
