I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize