found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
