your room smells of hookers.
And success
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
