Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
