I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
