forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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