Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
