Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
