So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
